Sunday, November 26, 2006

Thinking About My Life in Chacala

I just got a really nice email from a fellow blogger who also lives outside the U.S. Some of what she wrote was about feeling lonely. Especially right after having a nice interaction with some new friends or acquaintances. I am very lonely here in Chacala sometimes. Probably most of the time, but I don't really notice it.

And there are also some people here I really love to be around, and a few even speak English. And I love being known here, and having people know my name and approach me. But it's really different than me friendships I used to have. People I have known for years and years, with whom I share a history, and a life. I miss that alot sometimes. But I am still glad I chose this life.
This morning I was bursting with the pleasure of the sunshine and clear, clean water, and washing my clothes on the teraza. I felt so rich and happy and content.And right now I'm computing from Majahua, sitting at a table overlooking the water, about fifty feet from me. And Bamboo and Jose Carmello, the two dogs that live here and sleeping on my feet and the sun will be going down soon. Sometimes I feel so blessed. Lonesome but blessed.

I have been getting a little better at paying attention to what’s going on with me when emotions build up in me, and I get upset or feeling out-of-place or something. Usually I am just upset internally, not at other people. I’m not good at paying attention to my headspace I am just getting a little bit better at taking a deep breath. And trying to get into a different headspace when I get sort of worked up about something.

One thing that seems to start emotional turmoil in me when I am in the space of feeling like what I need is Important, and I want whatever right NOW. It started happening today when the water pipe didn’t show up when I expected it. Then I took a deep breath and thought of all the reasons it might not have come. Like, they didn’t have enough pipe, the driver took it to the wrong house, he ran out of time before the store closed, the truck broke down, etc etc etc. Nothing to do with me, nothing personal, just life happening. My wanting the pipe was probably a little side story to some other drama I know nothing about.

And I remembered that the tinacho is full, and I have two five gallon jugs of good water, and it’ll be fine until Monday. And if the town water does come on tomorrow, I put the crummy pipe back together and hope it lasts for an hour or so. It’s not like I HAVE to wash clothes tomorrow anyway. It’s just a habit.

1 comment:

Deborah Midkiff said...

I just stopped by to say "HI" to my friend in Mexico! I haven't been on here much lately with the heavy things (emotional) going on in my life. I can relate to you with your feelings as I have many "issues" that I have to contend with, as well. Sometimes I feel like there isn't anyone that knows (or even cares) at what I am having to deal with. I know that that isn't true, but I think that folks just don't know what they can do about it. Anyway, I just want you to know that I am, and always will be, here for you.

Your long-time friend,